Walls and Gates

Blocked words – Colored Pencil

Slamming the gates – Pen

I did these two drawings on the same day. I can’t remember what was going on, I think maybe it was around the time my dad was coming out to see me at school.  I remember that period of time being really frantic to pack up anything that might be lying about on DID, PTSD or me. This kind of picture comes into my head a lot though when I feel like I want to talk to someone about me and my history.  This two came out pretty quickly though, for some reason when they popped into my head I thought they would take a while to do.

Conversations

Phone conversation with mom - pen

The story behind that question is that the little sister of a friend of mine passed on a certain annoying bug that get’s passed between little kids.  Yes, so much fun …almost the entire class got head lice from that girl! The stuff you use to get rid of it has a warning lable on it saying not to get it in your eye or it could cause blindness. Well, I played the “what if” game even as a kid. I was pretty convinced that it would get in my eyes and I’d go blind.  I had it in my head that I was just a magnet for bad things. I don’t even know what I meant by that back then so, it’s one of those things that throws up some red flags for me. Growing up I had a lot of nightmares surrounding this question of “why me?”. I don’t remember why my mom brought it up in this recent conversation with her but it did.  I replied back to her that I still thought that way.  I tried to explain that I didn’t feel that was entirely a negative thing (after she said I needed to change that thought).  Like I was writing the other day in Becoming Hypervigilant in some ways it’s kept me safe. In some ways it’s let me do things I might not do.  Sounds weird maybe but I think that I tend to prepare more and I am often surprised by life since, because of this I often doen’t have a lot of expectations for things.  I don’t know if that makes sense to other people, though.  I tell people I’m a pessamistic optimist, I think the worst knowing the best will happen.  I know when I was little though it wasn’t like that, I truely thought only the worst would ever happen.

Pressures of home

Agg I got distracted and forgot I was gonna work on this so, here goes:

How I feel about home - Pen

I’m not putting these in any order, the pastel drawings were pretty much in order from the first to the last. I’m just gonna throw these up here as I get them watermarked and what not.

So …some of us feel more comfortable with straight up stick people (You might be able to see that some of the pastel drawings start as stick people but get filled/fleshed in. Some of us aren’t that patient or good lol! We are slowly learning how to build on shapes like the others were taught in old art classes.) I’ll put up some of my crap attempts later lol! More faceless people too, faces on our stick figures never feel right either.

This one I did when I came home on a break from school.  I just felt like I was going to be suffocated, smushed, etc, by everything here.  My mom, my dad, my brother, just being afraid of this city in general, everything.  I felt like I was trapped here for that short time with no escape. In the top left corner of the press it’s labled home.